Things That Make Me Happy :o)

These are the things that make me smile!

Smiling at someone and them reciprocating with a warm smile.

Seeing a patient dog walker. E.g Slow walking dog, snigging everything it comes across, the owner just goes with the flow and lets the dog do its stuff. This is even cuter when the dog owner is male.

Buying the Guardian on a Saturday Morning and checking out the front cover for 'The Guide.'

Walking in and out of The Lowry via the stage door & the thrill of bumping into cast members.

Getting home after a really tough day and locking the door.

Reading on the treadmill.

When i am able to see some stars in the sky on a super clear night.

Filling up the kettle and preparing my favourate mug with coffee before i go to bed so i can make a coffee with the smallest amount of energy in the morning. Waking up to this makes me happy & makes me feel somewhat smug...?

Turning back and watching the audience reactions during a show.

Going to bed and knowing i have nothing to do for the next few hours.

Being able to help a friend/family member.

Brushing my teeth makes me very happy.

Reading reviews of the film/theatre i have just seen or am about to see. Mostly reading them after though so as not to be swayed. I love reading other people's opinions and theories.

Someone with a stunningly great belt.

Significant & Wonderfull Things I have done/seen/heard Recently.

I haven't posted here for a while (AGES) so rather than skim over events of the previous few months briefly, i thought, well actually my boss gave me the idea of thinking about things which have been significant and then doing a 'Top Ten'. My lazy brain likes this idea.

1) I have been volunteering at The Lowry; I have done 3 shows now. I saw 'Our House' first, which was a musical based around the various songs of madness, with a albeit thin plot. I was wary about seeing this when i found out it was a musical, but i loved it ! It was wicked; the energy of the performers was inspiring and i also quite enjoyed the music and the way it was used with the acting. I also saw Russell Howard on his Dingledoodies tour; again WICKED! I have to come in and out through the 'stage door' which means that i often bump into the performers, Russell Howard was literally stood right now to me and i being an idiot just froze...completely! Ahhh i beta myself up mentally for days as i forgot my camera so sadly couldn't get a picture with him. Oh well, he must have just assumed that i was unimpressed with his show and therefore, didn't want to say or have a picture with him! I was so frustrated with myself for days. Oh well. I also just saw 'West Side Story' on Friday which again....was Superb ! I also managed to watch the entire show from a box - which i had all to myself. Awesome, i was just sat there thinking 'well done Anwen, well done.' Brilliant, i was more smug than smug smuggrson, on national smug celebration day who had just been awarded an award for being the best at what he does. I have signed up to do many other shows but i have forgotten which ones they are...

2) I have joined 'LOVEFILM' which is awesome, i have been wathcing manay more films and have got into Anime in a big way. 'Spirited away' being the film that kicked off my attention. It is absolutely fantastic, so imaginative and colourfull - watch it if you haven't and i promise you will not be dissapointed.

3) I had my teeth out, finally after years of sporadic pain. The operation was a bit traumatic. I opted to get them out - 3 of them, under general aneasthetic. I had initially selected 'sedation' menaing i would still be concious all the way through the surgery, i had a quick change of mind though when i realised that, well i was not brave enough for that. So, i chose to be put completely under in order to make life easier for myself. So i was put under, fully expecting to wake up with a very numb mouth (apparently they injct local anesthetic into the gums just before they wake you up so the area is numb) anyway, for some reason this local anesthetic didn't work, and i woke up in absolute agony. I was crying and gripping the rail on the bed, my toes were curled in pain! I had to have morphine which i have to say, wasn't as potent as i had always thought. SO i awoke with quite a bang. Anyway that was weeks ago and the teeth have made a great recovery, well i was swollen for days, like a moomin. It was mightily indulgent to be able to have jelly for breakfast and feel like it was the most logical thing to do.

4) First signs of Autumn ! A crisp red leaf gracefully swooped down into my path just a few days ago, it was then that i realised that Autumn is upon us! I love Autumn so much. The nights are closing in and their is that tell tale chill in the air in the mornings. I am loving my walk to and from work and am just feeling much healthier all around. I know the majority of people don't enjoy the dark evenings, but i love them. I also had my first bowl of hot creamy porridge the other day which reminded me of my childhood. I always knew that Autumn had arrived when my mum would serve porridge with golden syrup at breakfast. I don't consider myelf to have a particular sweet tooth but golden syrup turns me on.

5) I have kind of become tee total. Not really a concious decision but a natural progression. I haven't enjoyed drinking for quite some time and as i have been in training i have been very picky with my diet. Alcohol just isn't featuring in my life anymore.

6) I stopped smoking!! I should have thought to write about this sooner, but i didn't...It feels great. I have to say i do not miss i at all. I had reached a depressing point with smoking of being totally embarrassed and ashamed to be seen smoking. No offence to people that smoke, because i used to be one of them but its just pointless! Smoking is a weakness. Anyway i feel super.

7) Reading: I've alays loved reading but i have gotten completely lost in a couple of books recently. I have read the Nothern Lights trilogy (Philip Pullman) which was so good. I am kind of curious about seeing the film, but i've heard such bad reviews i doubt i will actually watch it. I would like to see how the characters are portrayed though. I also read a Danny Wallce book - always hilarious & inspiring. I am currently rading 'The Forgotten Garden' by Kate Morton - which although slow is becoming more and more intriguing. I am also loving 'Half of a Yellow Sun.' Absolutey captivating and hard to put down.

8) I really want to go away o holiday, i know this isn't technically something i have done or seen, so it should be on the list but it is, because i defy the laws of the list, I rebel.

9) Andrew Castle (GMTV News presenter) is currently on 'Strictly come Dancing'. I was watching is last night and he said 'I need to practise my moves somehow - i didn't expect her to wake up though...' This probably won' seem at all funny, but it was hilarious, he was talking about practising his dance moves whilst his wife was asleep. The way in which it was said, sounded rather like he was practising some other 'moves' whilst his poor wife was comatose.
Anyways it made me laugh, along with new BBC show 'Hole In the Wall' based around a japanese game show of 'human tetris' It is wholly ridiculous but extremely amusing. Watch it!

Ageist, Moi?

I haven't written in a while, i have been a bit apathetic and whe faced with probable risk of making a incredibly dull post i thought i would rather just sit it out and feel sorry for myself.
I have been accepte don a volunteer scheme at The Lowry Theater which is good. I had my intital training yetserday which largly consisted of fire training and how best to deal with people with visual impairment.
Twas an interesting day.

I was quite suprised though, because i expected to meet lots of people my age. However, almost all (but 3) of the 26 newbies were middle aged. Not a bad thing as such, but as I said, not what I was expecting. I will repeat though, this is not a bad thing. Just not what i was expecting. Not a bad thing. Okay, i have said this enough now.

I went up to see and support my mum in a belly dancing show on Saturday. This was a wicked experience, but quite strange for the tables to be turned, and for me to be the one in the audience whilst my mum was up on stage. I was overcome with pride, she was marvellous and it was super to see her up there. I know how she used to feel seeing me perform, its nerve wracking, but the admiration I felt was nothing ever experienced.

One thing though, on eof my mum's friends (who was also performing as part of the belly dancing troupe) brought her young daughter with her. I'm not sure how old or how young she was. I have no idea and i didn't ask, because I couldn't be bothered. anyway iIdon't know what to say kids. I literally haven't had any experience being around kids and I have no clue what so ever what they like/dislike/do. Even if i did know the girls age I doubt that would have been any clue as to what she liked to discuss.

I hate small talk anyway, but with kids, its like 120 worse cos you know that theres no way that you can have a serious or interesting discussion with them, its all stupid crap. Sorry, but i just hate small talk, and with kids thats all you get, i just can't be bothered. Then I felt bad though cos I thought as an adult i should be able to spark conversation with this child. I didn't though. Oh well.

I don't think I can have kids, this is may be partly why I can't and don't relate to them.
I suppose it my subconcious way of pretending I hate them. Then i don't feel sad for not being able to have them. Or maybe they just are boring.

So I apparently hate old people and kids. Oh Noes.

One of which I once was & one of which I shall become. Unless I become a vampire, which would be awesome.

I am so so so very proud of one of my good friends, and he will know who he is. He is at the final stages of writing his book. An amazingly imaginative book. I don't think he realises just how great it is. I feel bad, because I don't think i have given him the support that I should have these past few months. I have been so caught up in my own little inane dramas that I have maybe not been there for him, like a friend should. I am so proud of him though and hope that he realises this.

New York - Get the cocktails on ice ! Here he comes !

The Great Quandray

Pondering the ways in which she could change
She started wondering, what would be so terrible about staying the same?
She sat for a while…
And fought a multitude of thoughts
Was she experiencing a touch of denial?
What would be so wrong about being herself
And…
trying to stop this denial if just for a while?

A trial period if you may
She felt as though a spark had appeared and split
A blurry line through, what she imagined she wanted
And one which was hid

But how did she know
Who she was deep down below?
Maybe if she just went with the flow
And stopped trying to change
Then she would know?

If she were trapped in a hole
She would most certainly dream she were safe and warm
Secure and comfortable
Super cosy at home

Scrabbling for a way out
Of this imaginary hole
She made a decision, which came as a vision
She would stop all this thinking and just try to listen.

'Cat & Fiddle' & Other Questions?

Why are firemen nearly always FAT and out of shape? Even the younger ones, i know this, because i have a tendency to come over all aquiver when i fire engine goes past, but lately i have been sorely dissapointed upon looking up into the truck.

Also why is a fire engine, a'fire-engine?' Surely if you were to describe the actual engine, it isn't an engine...its a truck? So how come its not actually a fire truck?

Why do we all have different accents, when all babies cry in the same way?

If babies have eyes when they are born, then do they see in the womb? If so, in the future will we have like a womb version of CRIBS?

Why on the weather forcasts do they show really obscure & random places on the map? You would imagine that they would want to use popular, well known locations as surely the whole point of putting them on there is to give the viewers at home can easily see where they live on the map. I mean, obviously poeple should know basic geography but many poeple are ignorant and do not. Anyways an example;

ITV news, there is a map...on this map we have a couple of well known places, for example; Leeds BUT THEN they just have loads of ridiculous places that i have never heard of and suspect they may have made up.

Okay, 'Cat & Fiddle' anyone?!?!? Why use this obscure location as being a effective reference point on a map? Maybe i am just stupid but srsly, sort this out the news !

Summer Officially Sucks: For me.

I know this is probably not going to resonate around the ears of most people, but i feel i have to get this out, here goes; I DON'T LIKE SUMMER. I Love Autumn.
Autumn is like the cooler, more chilled out sibling
.
Summer is all like 'Ohhh look at me, look at me, seriously, i'm soooo fucking hot, i am totally the shit!'.
Autumn is much more laid back and unassuming 'Ahh Hey there! I'm just here ya know, doing my thang, take me or leave me, i don't really care, i'm just chilling.'

I don't, i haven't for, well a long time but i don't feel in any away ashamed to say this.
I don't like summer for a number of reasons but the main 3 are as follows;

1. The expectation: The media i.e magazines and TV shows go on and on relentlessely about 'summer syle' 'summer getaways' etc which build up such a huge expectation. Its like, you have you are under a huge amount of pressure to have loads of intricate plans and you should be concerned about getting a 'bikini body'. FUCK THAT! Sorry for swearing, which i don't usually do.


2. The actual Weather & The naive belief that the sun will come out and most importantly, STAY OUT: Seriously, everyone gets so excited about the prospect of summer and most of this is due to the idea (hope) that the sun will make an appearance. this never really comes through. The weather is extremey inconsistent, you never know what kind of day its going to be weatherwise. Its incredibly annoying to wake up and for the sun to be shimmering through the window but then by 11am for the rain to be hammering it down. But it is oh so predictable.


3. Small Talk: As humans people feel the need to always fill in any silences. The topic of summer as a conversation seems to offer a multitude of small talk opportunities; such as, 'are you going away this year' & 'the weathe ris so shit....' It is like a gateway topic for small talk, kind of similar to cigarettes but much more soul destroying as you don't get any pleasure from it. Similarily, you have to endure so many tedious and esentially mind numbingly boring jibber jabbrings of people telling you all about their intricate holiday plans. I think listening to someone's holidays stories is the only topic that can outright beat listening to someone's dream for boringness.

10 Things To Do Before I Die...

I was inspired by a featured video on youtube.

Simply put: What di i want to eithr achieve, experience or conquer in my lifetime??
Initially i thought this would b a relatively straightforward task, and thought i would be mentally trampled by zillions of ideas, suprisingly i struggled to think of 10 things which really really were important to me. There were hundreds of little things which were of 'interest' to me, but i wanted to really choose things which i felt would add zest to my life or open me up to a new way of looking at the world.

What started out as being a seemingly easy task turned into a mammoth think-a-thon, which i thorougly enjoyed.
Anyways babble babble babble, i go. I could blah blah about this whole thing for ages, so i shall stop, NOW.

10 Things I Hope to Do .... Before i'm too frail and/or DEAD.

1. Be able to buy/give my mum, dad and sister anything they want. They have *always* tried to give me everything and i would love to be able to do the same. They have made many sacrifices for me. I would want to see them all be as happy as they could be. I don't mean buying loads of materialistic things as such because they don't care about 'stuff'. I mean being able to give them opportunities that they haven't ben able to fulfill. E.g My dad would love to live in the Lake District near his mother (my grandmother) and i would love to b able to buy him a beautiful country house. I know he hates living in the city.
2. Write a book: I would love to do this, and i know i could do it now, but i don't feel like i have a good enough story, this is mostly due to the fact that i feel there are many experiences i am yet to have. I am lacking the inspiration.
3. Travel across America in a cool car, literally stopping at as many places as possible. Would just be super cool! Also travelling generally and seeing as much of the world as i could. There is sooooo much to see in the world, i often feel like i'm completely missing out.
4. Live in New York for a while: I just love the place, i know it is a huge cliche but there is a unique atmosphere there and a palpabe energy in the city. Probably a result of the sheer amount of people milling around. There is everything you could need, even a park which serves as a peaceful haven contrasting beautifullywith the hectic-ness hustle and bustle of the city streets.
5. Revive my gymnastics! The one big thing i remember about my childhood is doing gymnastics, i loved it. I gave it up because i hit puberty and just felt like a bit of a tit prancing around in a leotard, the usual story. I have only one lonely regret and that is giving up gymnastics. I really hope that one day, i will have the confidence to prance around in a leotard again.
6. Have all of my family be together and it not be awkward. My mum & dad got divorced when i was 2, so i have only seen them in the ame breathing space a handful of time sin my life, most of these being awkward, bumbling moments. My mum and dad are awesome and really do try to make things as comfortable as possible but the feelings of sadness when they have been in the same room are too intense. It must be incredibly difficult for them. Saying this, i would love to have a photo of us all together, so i could display it proudly on my wall. I would love that more than anything.
7. Have a child: Believe me, not anytime soon, i wouldn't want to have a baby until i was at the very youngest 32. I don't feel i am particulary good around kids, (i am AWFUL!) i find them boring and repeatative. The very thought of having a baby now makes me shudder, literally shudder and scream inside. It would be a utter nightmare; i absolutely love my independance & freedom, a baby would literally steal any independance one has. Anyways, one day i would adore to have a baby, i would not want to miss out on that experience. I would regret it if i was all old and didn't have a child.
8. See my mum & dad be proud. I know they are proud of me, they constantly tell me how proud they are, even when i haven't really done much :) I would love, probably for myself more than anything, to really feel like i have done something to be worth all their support and love. They have always believed and encouraged me, even when i haven't shown much enthusiasm. I would love to prove they were right.
9. Go on an archeology adventure and use one of those little brushes to unearth a dinosaur fossil. Just because it would be sooo much fun.
10. Drive a really amazing car, lke a lambourghini, if only for 5 minutes. To be able to put my foot down and feel how spectacular it would be.