Things That Make Me Happy :o)

These are the things that make me smile!

Smiling at someone and them reciprocating with a warm smile.

Seeing a patient dog walker. E.g Slow walking dog, snigging everything it comes across, the owner just goes with the flow and lets the dog do its stuff. This is even cuter when the dog owner is male.

Buying the Guardian on a Saturday Morning and checking out the front cover for 'The Guide.'

Walking in and out of The Lowry via the stage door & the thrill of bumping into cast members.

Getting home after a really tough day and locking the door.

Reading on the treadmill.

When i am able to see some stars in the sky on a super clear night.

Filling up the kettle and preparing my favourate mug with coffee before i go to bed so i can make a coffee with the smallest amount of energy in the morning. Waking up to this makes me happy & makes me feel somewhat smug...?

Turning back and watching the audience reactions during a show.

Going to bed and knowing i have nothing to do for the next few hours.

Being able to help a friend/family member.

Brushing my teeth makes me very happy.

Reading reviews of the film/theatre i have just seen or am about to see. Mostly reading them after though so as not to be swayed. I love reading other people's opinions and theories.

Someone with a stunningly great belt.

Significant & Wonderfull Things I have done/seen/heard Recently.

I haven't posted here for a while (AGES) so rather than skim over events of the previous few months briefly, i thought, well actually my boss gave me the idea of thinking about things which have been significant and then doing a 'Top Ten'. My lazy brain likes this idea.

1) I have been volunteering at The Lowry; I have done 3 shows now. I saw 'Our House' first, which was a musical based around the various songs of madness, with a albeit thin plot. I was wary about seeing this when i found out it was a musical, but i loved it ! It was wicked; the energy of the performers was inspiring and i also quite enjoyed the music and the way it was used with the acting. I also saw Russell Howard on his Dingledoodies tour; again WICKED! I have to come in and out through the 'stage door' which means that i often bump into the performers, Russell Howard was literally stood right now to me and i being an idiot just froze...completely! Ahhh i beta myself up mentally for days as i forgot my camera so sadly couldn't get a picture with him. Oh well, he must have just assumed that i was unimpressed with his show and therefore, didn't want to say or have a picture with him! I was so frustrated with myself for days. Oh well. I also just saw 'West Side Story' on Friday which again....was Superb ! I also managed to watch the entire show from a box - which i had all to myself. Awesome, i was just sat there thinking 'well done Anwen, well done.' Brilliant, i was more smug than smug smuggrson, on national smug celebration day who had just been awarded an award for being the best at what he does. I have signed up to do many other shows but i have forgotten which ones they are...

2) I have joined 'LOVEFILM' which is awesome, i have been wathcing manay more films and have got into Anime in a big way. 'Spirited away' being the film that kicked off my attention. It is absolutely fantastic, so imaginative and colourfull - watch it if you haven't and i promise you will not be dissapointed.

3) I had my teeth out, finally after years of sporadic pain. The operation was a bit traumatic. I opted to get them out - 3 of them, under general aneasthetic. I had initially selected 'sedation' menaing i would still be concious all the way through the surgery, i had a quick change of mind though when i realised that, well i was not brave enough for that. So, i chose to be put completely under in order to make life easier for myself. So i was put under, fully expecting to wake up with a very numb mouth (apparently they injct local anesthetic into the gums just before they wake you up so the area is numb) anyway, for some reason this local anesthetic didn't work, and i woke up in absolute agony. I was crying and gripping the rail on the bed, my toes were curled in pain! I had to have morphine which i have to say, wasn't as potent as i had always thought. SO i awoke with quite a bang. Anyway that was weeks ago and the teeth have made a great recovery, well i was swollen for days, like a moomin. It was mightily indulgent to be able to have jelly for breakfast and feel like it was the most logical thing to do.

4) First signs of Autumn ! A crisp red leaf gracefully swooped down into my path just a few days ago, it was then that i realised that Autumn is upon us! I love Autumn so much. The nights are closing in and their is that tell tale chill in the air in the mornings. I am loving my walk to and from work and am just feeling much healthier all around. I know the majority of people don't enjoy the dark evenings, but i love them. I also had my first bowl of hot creamy porridge the other day which reminded me of my childhood. I always knew that Autumn had arrived when my mum would serve porridge with golden syrup at breakfast. I don't consider myelf to have a particular sweet tooth but golden syrup turns me on.

5) I have kind of become tee total. Not really a concious decision but a natural progression. I haven't enjoyed drinking for quite some time and as i have been in training i have been very picky with my diet. Alcohol just isn't featuring in my life anymore.

6) I stopped smoking!! I should have thought to write about this sooner, but i didn't...It feels great. I have to say i do not miss i at all. I had reached a depressing point with smoking of being totally embarrassed and ashamed to be seen smoking. No offence to people that smoke, because i used to be one of them but its just pointless! Smoking is a weakness. Anyway i feel super.

7) Reading: I've alays loved reading but i have gotten completely lost in a couple of books recently. I have read the Nothern Lights trilogy (Philip Pullman) which was so good. I am kind of curious about seeing the film, but i've heard such bad reviews i doubt i will actually watch it. I would like to see how the characters are portrayed though. I also read a Danny Wallce book - always hilarious & inspiring. I am currently rading 'The Forgotten Garden' by Kate Morton - which although slow is becoming more and more intriguing. I am also loving 'Half of a Yellow Sun.' Absolutey captivating and hard to put down.

8) I really want to go away o holiday, i know this isn't technically something i have done or seen, so it should be on the list but it is, because i defy the laws of the list, I rebel.

9) Andrew Castle (GMTV News presenter) is currently on 'Strictly come Dancing'. I was watching is last night and he said 'I need to practise my moves somehow - i didn't expect her to wake up though...' This probably won' seem at all funny, but it was hilarious, he was talking about practising his dance moves whilst his wife was asleep. The way in which it was said, sounded rather like he was practising some other 'moves' whilst his poor wife was comatose.
Anyways it made me laugh, along with new BBC show 'Hole In the Wall' based around a japanese game show of 'human tetris' It is wholly ridiculous but extremely amusing. Watch it!

Ageist, Moi?

I haven't written in a while, i have been a bit apathetic and whe faced with probable risk of making a incredibly dull post i thought i would rather just sit it out and feel sorry for myself.
I have been accepte don a volunteer scheme at The Lowry Theater which is good. I had my intital training yetserday which largly consisted of fire training and how best to deal with people with visual impairment.
Twas an interesting day.

I was quite suprised though, because i expected to meet lots of people my age. However, almost all (but 3) of the 26 newbies were middle aged. Not a bad thing as such, but as I said, not what I was expecting. I will repeat though, this is not a bad thing. Just not what i was expecting. Not a bad thing. Okay, i have said this enough now.

I went up to see and support my mum in a belly dancing show on Saturday. This was a wicked experience, but quite strange for the tables to be turned, and for me to be the one in the audience whilst my mum was up on stage. I was overcome with pride, she was marvellous and it was super to see her up there. I know how she used to feel seeing me perform, its nerve wracking, but the admiration I felt was nothing ever experienced.

One thing though, on eof my mum's friends (who was also performing as part of the belly dancing troupe) brought her young daughter with her. I'm not sure how old or how young she was. I have no idea and i didn't ask, because I couldn't be bothered. anyway iIdon't know what to say kids. I literally haven't had any experience being around kids and I have no clue what so ever what they like/dislike/do. Even if i did know the girls age I doubt that would have been any clue as to what she liked to discuss.

I hate small talk anyway, but with kids, its like 120 worse cos you know that theres no way that you can have a serious or interesting discussion with them, its all stupid crap. Sorry, but i just hate small talk, and with kids thats all you get, i just can't be bothered. Then I felt bad though cos I thought as an adult i should be able to spark conversation with this child. I didn't though. Oh well.

I don't think I can have kids, this is may be partly why I can't and don't relate to them.
I suppose it my subconcious way of pretending I hate them. Then i don't feel sad for not being able to have them. Or maybe they just are boring.

So I apparently hate old people and kids. Oh Noes.

One of which I once was & one of which I shall become. Unless I become a vampire, which would be awesome.

I am so so so very proud of one of my good friends, and he will know who he is. He is at the final stages of writing his book. An amazingly imaginative book. I don't think he realises just how great it is. I feel bad, because I don't think i have given him the support that I should have these past few months. I have been so caught up in my own little inane dramas that I have maybe not been there for him, like a friend should. I am so proud of him though and hope that he realises this.

New York - Get the cocktails on ice ! Here he comes !

The Great Quandray

Pondering the ways in which she could change
She started wondering, what would be so terrible about staying the same?
She sat for a while…
And fought a multitude of thoughts
Was she experiencing a touch of denial?
What would be so wrong about being herself
And…
trying to stop this denial if just for a while?

A trial period if you may
She felt as though a spark had appeared and split
A blurry line through, what she imagined she wanted
And one which was hid

But how did she know
Who she was deep down below?
Maybe if she just went with the flow
And stopped trying to change
Then she would know?

If she were trapped in a hole
She would most certainly dream she were safe and warm
Secure and comfortable
Super cosy at home

Scrabbling for a way out
Of this imaginary hole
She made a decision, which came as a vision
She would stop all this thinking and just try to listen.

'Cat & Fiddle' & Other Questions?

Why are firemen nearly always FAT and out of shape? Even the younger ones, i know this, because i have a tendency to come over all aquiver when i fire engine goes past, but lately i have been sorely dissapointed upon looking up into the truck.

Also why is a fire engine, a'fire-engine?' Surely if you were to describe the actual engine, it isn't an engine...its a truck? So how come its not actually a fire truck?

Why do we all have different accents, when all babies cry in the same way?

If babies have eyes when they are born, then do they see in the womb? If so, in the future will we have like a womb version of CRIBS?

Why on the weather forcasts do they show really obscure & random places on the map? You would imagine that they would want to use popular, well known locations as surely the whole point of putting them on there is to give the viewers at home can easily see where they live on the map. I mean, obviously poeple should know basic geography but many poeple are ignorant and do not. Anyways an example;

ITV news, there is a map...on this map we have a couple of well known places, for example; Leeds BUT THEN they just have loads of ridiculous places that i have never heard of and suspect they may have made up.

Okay, 'Cat & Fiddle' anyone?!?!? Why use this obscure location as being a effective reference point on a map? Maybe i am just stupid but srsly, sort this out the news !

Summer Officially Sucks: For me.

I know this is probably not going to resonate around the ears of most people, but i feel i have to get this out, here goes; I DON'T LIKE SUMMER. I Love Autumn.
Autumn is like the cooler, more chilled out sibling
.
Summer is all like 'Ohhh look at me, look at me, seriously, i'm soooo fucking hot, i am totally the shit!'.
Autumn is much more laid back and unassuming 'Ahh Hey there! I'm just here ya know, doing my thang, take me or leave me, i don't really care, i'm just chilling.'

I don't, i haven't for, well a long time but i don't feel in any away ashamed to say this.
I don't like summer for a number of reasons but the main 3 are as follows;

1. The expectation: The media i.e magazines and TV shows go on and on relentlessely about 'summer syle' 'summer getaways' etc which build up such a huge expectation. Its like, you have you are under a huge amount of pressure to have loads of intricate plans and you should be concerned about getting a 'bikini body'. FUCK THAT! Sorry for swearing, which i don't usually do.


2. The actual Weather & The naive belief that the sun will come out and most importantly, STAY OUT: Seriously, everyone gets so excited about the prospect of summer and most of this is due to the idea (hope) that the sun will make an appearance. this never really comes through. The weather is extremey inconsistent, you never know what kind of day its going to be weatherwise. Its incredibly annoying to wake up and for the sun to be shimmering through the window but then by 11am for the rain to be hammering it down. But it is oh so predictable.


3. Small Talk: As humans people feel the need to always fill in any silences. The topic of summer as a conversation seems to offer a multitude of small talk opportunities; such as, 'are you going away this year' & 'the weathe ris so shit....' It is like a gateway topic for small talk, kind of similar to cigarettes but much more soul destroying as you don't get any pleasure from it. Similarily, you have to endure so many tedious and esentially mind numbingly boring jibber jabbrings of people telling you all about their intricate holiday plans. I think listening to someone's holidays stories is the only topic that can outright beat listening to someone's dream for boringness.

10 Things To Do Before I Die...

I was inspired by a featured video on youtube.

Simply put: What di i want to eithr achieve, experience or conquer in my lifetime??
Initially i thought this would b a relatively straightforward task, and thought i would be mentally trampled by zillions of ideas, suprisingly i struggled to think of 10 things which really really were important to me. There were hundreds of little things which were of 'interest' to me, but i wanted to really choose things which i felt would add zest to my life or open me up to a new way of looking at the world.

What started out as being a seemingly easy task turned into a mammoth think-a-thon, which i thorougly enjoyed.
Anyways babble babble babble, i go. I could blah blah about this whole thing for ages, so i shall stop, NOW.

10 Things I Hope to Do .... Before i'm too frail and/or DEAD.

1. Be able to buy/give my mum, dad and sister anything they want. They have *always* tried to give me everything and i would love to be able to do the same. They have made many sacrifices for me. I would want to see them all be as happy as they could be. I don't mean buying loads of materialistic things as such because they don't care about 'stuff'. I mean being able to give them opportunities that they haven't ben able to fulfill. E.g My dad would love to live in the Lake District near his mother (my grandmother) and i would love to b able to buy him a beautiful country house. I know he hates living in the city.
2. Write a book: I would love to do this, and i know i could do it now, but i don't feel like i have a good enough story, this is mostly due to the fact that i feel there are many experiences i am yet to have. I am lacking the inspiration.
3. Travel across America in a cool car, literally stopping at as many places as possible. Would just be super cool! Also travelling generally and seeing as much of the world as i could. There is sooooo much to see in the world, i often feel like i'm completely missing out.
4. Live in New York for a while: I just love the place, i know it is a huge cliche but there is a unique atmosphere there and a palpabe energy in the city. Probably a result of the sheer amount of people milling around. There is everything you could need, even a park which serves as a peaceful haven contrasting beautifullywith the hectic-ness hustle and bustle of the city streets.
5. Revive my gymnastics! The one big thing i remember about my childhood is doing gymnastics, i loved it. I gave it up because i hit puberty and just felt like a bit of a tit prancing around in a leotard, the usual story. I have only one lonely regret and that is giving up gymnastics. I really hope that one day, i will have the confidence to prance around in a leotard again.
6. Have all of my family be together and it not be awkward. My mum & dad got divorced when i was 2, so i have only seen them in the ame breathing space a handful of time sin my life, most of these being awkward, bumbling moments. My mum and dad are awesome and really do try to make things as comfortable as possible but the feelings of sadness when they have been in the same room are too intense. It must be incredibly difficult for them. Saying this, i would love to have a photo of us all together, so i could display it proudly on my wall. I would love that more than anything.
7. Have a child: Believe me, not anytime soon, i wouldn't want to have a baby until i was at the very youngest 32. I don't feel i am particulary good around kids, (i am AWFUL!) i find them boring and repeatative. The very thought of having a baby now makes me shudder, literally shudder and scream inside. It would be a utter nightmare; i absolutely love my independance & freedom, a baby would literally steal any independance one has. Anyways, one day i would adore to have a baby, i would not want to miss out on that experience. I would regret it if i was all old and didn't have a child.
8. See my mum & dad be proud. I know they are proud of me, they constantly tell me how proud they are, even when i haven't really done much :) I would love, probably for myself more than anything, to really feel like i have done something to be worth all their support and love. They have always believed and encouraged me, even when i haven't shown much enthusiasm. I would love to prove they were right.
9. Go on an archeology adventure and use one of those little brushes to unearth a dinosaur fossil. Just because it would be sooo much fun.
10. Drive a really amazing car, lke a lambourghini, if only for 5 minutes. To be able to put my foot down and feel how spectacular it would be.

Brain Ninja's

HAPPY FRIDAY!!

I am Happy.

Have had a pretty mediocore week really.
I've had trouble sleeping for some reason, i have banned any kind of TV type electrical thing from my bedroom as i feel it should be a peaceful sanctuary free of any crap i.e TV.

I know this all sounds to be very hippyish & i don't believe in any of that feng shui bullshit BUT i think we all are harassed and bombarded enough in our lives without having to be lambasted by more crap whilst in the relaxing arena of a bedroom.
Anyway back to my original point - i digress shamelessly these days. I must discipline myself to stay on point more...ooooh once again, i digress...

Yeah so, sometimes when i retire to bed, i feel it can all be a bit too peaceful and quiet, my thoughts race through my mind and just keep me up. Its not even that they are negative thoughts; they are infact, the majority of the time very positive thoughts. The problem is, that i don't want to be fll of thoughts at bedtime. I want my brain to kick any thoughts out of the door for the night. Maybe i need to employ some kind of neuro-brain doorstaff.

I doubt i could hire any for a while though, and if i could, there is always the terrifying eventuality that they would develope a strong addiction to addiction to cocaine, get super paranoid & twitchy and then just end up throwing everything in my brain out of the door and banning them all for life.
There would be little fuzzy polaroid pictures of my various brain cells lookin sheepish alongside pictures of nerve endings sparking pathetically away, like a disconnected but still live electrical cable. Oh its a sad thought. All the images would be collated in a little book, that would be all that would be left over of my brain, my thoughts....ME.

Well then life would be no fun anymore. It would be one long thoughtless void.
So i don't think i'll be doing that.

This post has be supremely theraputic as i have now seen that dark side of having NO THOUGHTS i am confident that when i get to bed tonight i will appreciate each and every one of my little persistent thoughts.

The Sky Is Sacred?

He sat alone, wondering if the sky would ever become full of high rises
He looked down below and could see the whole city
Twas dominated by machinery and in between were grey buildings

Where were all the fields, the parks and the grass
Whatever happened to all that once lived?
For now there was no land, no play park and no escape
For he was stuck in his flat, just wishing for some land

Would the sky become tainted
By the hand of the man
Where would they not build, where would they not plan
Because all that he saw, was man made and grim
He wished for a view, full of fresh flowers and oceans to swim in.

I AM going to be a Tee Totaller

I feel sick :(
Yes, i have been feeling sick since yesterday.
I have a strong suspicion that this sickness is related (very much) to the copious amounts of wine i consumed on Friday night.

Now i am totally not a big drinker, i hadn't been drunk for at least 2 months before Friday so i am totally not accustomed to hangovers, hurmmmnnnnph they truely suck. I woke up yesterday feeling like i had just woken up from living in a cave for 8 months, han't had any sunlight, only had a brown grizly bear for company (who might i add, was always in a bad mood) and could only eat fire and not drink any fluids.

I just felt WRETCHED, i am seriously considering just biting the bullet and going all out tee total. I am not quite sure why i am not a tee totaller. This is surely one of lives biggest mysteries, why do we drink knwing that we are going to have hideous hangovers??? Is it ever worth it? I would say it can be, but then when you work all week the weekend is ever so precious, and all i did yesterday was lay on the sofa feeling absolutely wretched, running back and forth to the toilet being sick. NOT PLEASANT.

Anyway, i wonder how much, if at all i would miss alcohol. I very rarely drink it so feel that this may be why i end up getting huge hangovers. Plus, i am a totaly lightweight, one glass of wine would be more than enough to get me sufficiently giddy, wll skittles get me extremely giddy so i doubt i should be drinking anything of an alocholic nature.

The worst thing is i feel poisoned, my entire body is making no bones about the fact that it HATES ME right now. I ran a mile and a half on the treadmilltoday in the hope of winning back some respect from my body (or existentially myself) but it didn't work, funny how it is actually I who is in control of my emotions....so i must not want to forgive myself for drinking all the alcohol?

Humans, we are sooo lame.

Sooooooooo Lame.

I also do the most stupidest of things when i am drunk, if there is a dodgy situation, then you can guarnatee that i will be the first to jump in, it is always I who is the first to mention the idea of dancing, i become loud and totally obnoxious and then the next day i hate myself.

No, i shall not be drinking anymore. FACT.

Teeth Extraction X 3 = Ignorance is Bliss

So today i went to see a consultant at the orthopedic place in the hopsital regarding my killer wisdom teeth.

The dentist dude did not suprise me one bit when he broke the news that i would have to have my wisdom teeth out, however i was mid to severly displeased when he advised that i have to have 3, yes 3 teeth out. Oh noes.


I am generally fairly okay with the inevitable prospect of having two of my wisodom teeth out but THREE, this is AWFUL.

I had two options for the procedure; Sedation Or total anesthesia.

I opted to go for the sedation option as opposed to full general anesthetic (it sounded like the most fun), however i am rather contemplting back tracking and changing this option as i am thinking being completely out may be the way forward.


I am actually quite eager towards the idea of finally having these calcium intruders out of my mouth so that i can stop taking painkillers. I am probably taking far too many now, my tolerance has imploded, my poor poor liver.

My poor poor liver.


I am going to have to go on a majorly serious detox after the teeth get given their marching orders.


I am perplexed as to how the dentist person is actually going to take these teeth out, as they are impacted, meaning that they are not properly poking up through the gums, how ....errrr probably best i don't know this.


I think ignorance is most certainly bliss in this case.

Ignorance most certainly is BLISS.


Also, for some unknown reason (my dentist was quite vague) i have to get each tooth out individually, so this means a grand total of three sedations. On a positive note, it in turn results in three days off work for me! Y-e-y- ....although with a throbbing holey-fied mouth (that sounds religious) i doubt i'll be having a party.

Oooh one last thing, the receptionist in the hospital asked me a few questions such as; my name, my address, next of kin etc all the usual type stuff, but i am certain that when she quieried my religion and i said i didnt have one, she looked at me with hate. Oh Noes.

NOT.

I Love Art Galleries :)

My My My, I have had a super few days.

I drove up to see my mum this weekend and had a awesome time. Not only did i learn how to bake a lemon cake, i also visited an art gallery and critiqued the exhibition. I even went as far as filling out an elaborate questionnaire, giving my uneducated opinions about the art on view. Wonderfull!
I enjoyed the art gallery visit much more than i have enjoyed anything in a while infact.
I don't drink that much these days and sometimes i feel like i should be going out more and doing things, but i think that my generation are inclined to feel that most social activities should revolve around the consumption of alcohol. Now i have a whole new 'event' to attend.

I am now full of enthusiasm for the art gallery experience and shall be making a concerted effort to attend more.

Baking the cake was also superb. I have baked cakes before in my younger days but haven't bothered for years, mainly because of the following (lazy) reasons;

• Washing up afterwards is always a bummer


• Never having all the ingredients required


• Having had a bad experience of messing up a cake in the past

Its serious business cake baking and should be approached with extreme caution. I am now, however the proud owner of some weighing scales, so i shall be baking more often.

I currently have 'The Real Hustle' on in the background. I suspect it isn't 'Real' whatsoever. There is a 'hustle' occuring in a jewelery shop. I am quite confused as to how they manage to have so many camera angles when it is supposed to be 'undercover'? Surely the jewelery shop team noticed someone coming in and installing cameras everywhere? I would be as suspicious if there was the one camera but they have actually made a big point of showing the hustler swap a cheap neckjlace with one worth £5,000. It was like 'Look at the swap from this angle...' and then '...from this angle...' It should be renamed 'The Kind of Real Hustle, but Not Really.' Suspicious Anwen is Suspicious.

Also, whilst on the subject of TV Shows. Studio audience's - why are they never appreciated?
Its such a shame...they make the effort to leave their houses to go and sit in some ghastly set, they have to clap on cue for hours, and basically give the show that extra 'oooomph.'
Anyways at the end of the show the presenter will always say something along the lines of 'thankyou to the studio audience, the guests but most of all thanks to YOU at home.'

I mean really, how mean is that?! If anything the viewers at home shouldn't be thanked at all, cos they aren't doing anything, they should thank the show for giving them some entertainment. They are simply lazing around in their underwear at home.

Wheras the poor long suffering studio audience have been sat like sardines in a hot & clammy studio for probably HOURS.
Awwww.

Fishbowl Night

I haven't written a blog for a few days now, i blame this on a fishbowl. Well a few fishbowls to be quite honest.

Another legendary Helpdesk Fishbowl night was enjoyed by all on Friday night, and i have only just begun to feel motivated again. Twas a fun night as they always are. The day we have a bad fishbowl night, will be the end of the beloved fishbowls.

ANyways since then i have mostly been...errrr i am rather ashamed to admit - not very much.

My procrastination abilities have been at a all time high. In fact, they have probably topped those of my University 'I have to write a 5,000 word essay by 3pm, and its now 6am in the morning and i am mashed.' Oh, those days were so frivalous.

I have taken Monday (today) and Tuesday (tomorrow - keep up!) off work....SUPER YAY! Today, i mooched around, filled with a indescribable sense of smugness at not being in work.

I went to the nightmare that is The Trafford center. It is truely a dastardly place; i dont recommend anyone ever ventures within 5 miles of it.......EVER.

I only managed to withold the terror for around 1 hour before i skulked off in search of my soul. I caught up with it, but i fear it is forever tainted.

I did, however have some success. I purchased DVD's, 'Eagle Vs Shark' - which i bought mainly for the title. How can a film with such a superb title be wrong? I am going to watch this perceived work of genuius tonight. It was made by the amazing team behind 'Napoleon Dynamite' so i am sure i am not going o be dissapointed. It is however, based in New Zealand i think...and my ex boss was from there..no offence whatsoever to New Zealanders but i shiver at the utterance of the accent. I need to meet a superior New Zealander who can eradicate this painful phobia. I'm ashamed i even feel that way. I am just wrong, just wrong.

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

X 18 ZILLION

I also bought 'High Fidelity' starring John Cusack, one of my ALL TIME FAVOURATE actors. So once again, i am in for a almost certain treat.

Monday night, is now 'Treat Night' although saying that i probably wil not watch both films. I will in truth, most likely, if i know myself like i think i do...i shall loose the battle against the sleeping devils and 'doze off.' - I feel i have just aged like 90 years using the phrase 'doze off.' oh well, i digress.

Bad Anwen.

So, yes i had a rather successful shopping expedition.

I also bought 2 books. One Charlie Brooker - the man is a LEGEND, i repeat LEGEND. Plus one Guy Browning book. Both ooks are a collection of both writers articles which feature wekely in the Saturday Bible, sorry Guardian newspaper. I type this whilst actually disagreeing with myself...i actually have been swaying the the other side, the dark side of late...and buying...*da da darrr* (my impression the ...uhhhh not sure what the sound is...but believe me....its haunting and will have you in suspenders....(tight ones).... 'The Times.' Although i have still been faithful to The Guardian.

That is All.

Oooh almost forgot;

I awoke this morning and floundered into my living room. Yes, i flounder in the morning.

I, whilst checking my youtube page (yes i am a total nerd) happened to notice my scraggy but edible (typo) reliable notebook on the side of the sofa, and spotted the following; (See Pic Above.)

What does it all mean?? I can't quite remember, and i promise, i hadn't been drinking at ALL. I am Tee Total for the majority of my life these days (apart from epic fishbowl nights... of course.)

Void opposite me & Dentist Gone Wild

Had a pretty emotional day today.
It was one of my colleagues and more importantly, my friends' last day at my workplace today.
I am going to miss her alot, there will definately be a vacuous void where she used to sit, which unfortunately was directly opposite me, so i shall be haunted every day with remembering just how super she was, and that will now highlight just how empty the space now will be, the space she used to sit in, directly opposite me.

I also went to the dentists today, again not a particulary enjoyable thing. I had a big needle stuck into the depths of my jaw, and never really got told why, in fact, i needed this doing? I am still vague on the whole episode and retrospectively, i kind of feel a bit of a wierdo for not thinking of asking him to explain exactly what was wrong with my tooth, that required a big needle going into the depths of my gum. He also drilled some white stuff onto my tooth and at one point, i had like a screw in my tooth. It was a large screw and i had a thought thati hoped the dentist didn't suddenly had a heart attack or faint, because if he did, then i would be in limbo with a large screw sticking out of my tooth, what would i do? Panic would set in within 12 seconds and i would be running around the surgery, suffering the indignity of having a screw sticking out of my tooth. Knowing th only person who could remove it efficiently was the dentist who was immobile and unconcious on the floor ahhhh. Luckily, nothing of the sort happened and i am pleased to report that the screw left my mouth as quickly as it appeared.
The dentist did leave the room for about 25 seconds at one point, which freaked me out a bit, but he returned and all was okay.
I then proceeded to spend the next few hours in a wierd state of 'one side of face dead-itus.'

Alas, it was probably conductive to something.

I shall most certaintly have some wierd & terrifying dream about either;

A) Needles having a party in my mouth
B) A screw deciding to move into one of my teeth & then deciding against he whole idea when it realised that the neighbours next door had a rather large dog which barked each and everytime someone walked past the house
C) A room full of worms singing 'one way or another' (Blondie) and eating sweet & sour sauce, through straws....but then thats another story all together. I shall explain more about this one day.

Anyway an okay day...well i say that now, after the emotional goodbye and the vague doctor it was a bit well, muhmumaooooow ---> seriously, say that how it looks to be pronounced and i swear, that sums up my day in one swift breath of oddballity.

Brilliant Day off Work & Big Cartoon Bear

Sooo today i took the day off work, twas and still is a wonderful day.
I have managed to do 2, yes TWO things of my weekend to do list. I have organised my study/gym and have additionally organised my administration type things. I have sorted through all my bills and that.
I feel thoroughly productive (a rare & alien feeling.)
I also managed to pop over to see my sister for a afternoon chat and drink of apple juice.

I had an interesting all be it whacky dream last night. Basically i was being hunted down my two bad men. They were like the jigsaw from Saw, in that they were planning all sorts of terrible and horrific things to hurt me, now as most dreams go, they didn't actually say 'we are like the guy from saw' i just knew, i just simply KNEW.
Anyays i think i was kind of escaping from them, until...i managed to somehow hit their car with a big metal prong (for loss of a better description.) They obviously witnessed this and decided to hunt me down...i remember there being a huge mammoth house, full of rooms and very traditional in style. I ran in to the house to escape the wraith of the 'jigsaw type men'. They, followed.
I remember thinking that there were so many rooms, so i could easily find a effective hiding place, although at the back of my head i was thinking'there is no way you are going to be able to hide from these guys'. I hid somewhere and of course, they found me...i then had to follow them around for a bit, a ghastly feeling of dread following me around, knowing that at any second they could destroy me. Until, somehow, (well this is a dream i suppose) somehow out of nowhere i was stood on some raised train tracks overlooking a wasteland kinda field. There was a lone house, well not really a proper house, it was like the shell of a house, and in this house was a massive cartoon style animated ...bear. Yes, a cartoon bear, flailing around (as cartoon bears usually do.)

This was my dream last night.

Absolute Annoyance and Anger

I am soooooo annoyed and upset. My sister and her boyfriend's bikes were stolen today. My sister had a total of 3, yes THREE locks on her bike and it still got nicked. It was in broad daylight in the centre of Manchester, just off the busiest street (Market Street).
I feel so sorry for them, they are devastated. What kind of individual goes around stealing other peoples things? What does it take for someone to do this and still wake up the next morning and live? I feel utter anger towards these degenerates, i only hope that karma exists and that the will get their communpance. I actually do believe they will and i hope that they get attacked my a two toed sloth (apparently more volatile than a three toed sloth).

My sister does not deserve this.

Other than that i have had an okay day really, attended a BBQ which was superb and got to hang out with my mates new kittens which are probably the two cutest things i have seen in a looooong time.

I shall write more tomorrow but for tonight, i am too annoyed. I am going to call up some favours from my two toed sloth allies.

That Is All.

My To Do List is rather predictably being procrastinated over.

My To Do List For This Weekend;

Purchase and read newspapers
Ring gran
Organise study/gym
Collate list of phone numbers to call
Remove DVD’s from study/gym and reinstate in living room
Adventure out somewhere
Sort through bills
Tidy up wardrobe
Investigate for things that look like humans
Nip to the shops
Attend BBQ on Saturday
Try some new recipes
Exercise

I won't do any of this...well i will attend the BBQ, and buy the papers. That is all.

• Some notes and thoughts from the day;
  
  'Omnibus' – where did that word come from?
  
  
  'Broodrooster' – another & much cooler word for toaster. It is Dutch; 'bread' + rooster 'grill'[edit]
  
  1. toaster Retrieved from "http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/broodrooster"
  
  I just suffered what i am going to call 'Lickbarrassment'.
  'Lickbarasment' = Embarrassment about eating an ice lolly when other are around.
  
  My Mission for the weekend (cos lets face it, i probably won't do much on my list.) I shall seek out things that look like humans.

Apathetic Lies Dont Count

11:41 a.m: I am at work. I Am very annoyed, very very very annoyed, annoyed Anwen is Annoyed. My day was going remarkably okay, but now it is not, as the result of ...errr crap. I just want to go home and hide. Luckily for me though, it does appear to be flying by so before I know it I will be at home, away from all this nonsense.

So today I decided to keep a tally of how many times I lie, by ‘lie’ I don’t mean big big lies, I mean unimportant little lies, just small things which make life;
A) Easier
B) Stops you having to talk as much
C) Is less hurtful than the truth.

Okay its now 14:15pm and I am actually amazed by how little I have lied!!! Not that I thought I was a serial liar or anything but anyone who says they don’t lie, are most definitely a liar. A liar of the very worst kind. An ironic liar. In fact, if you wanted to tell if someone was a terrible liar or not, you should ask them….if they answer no, then you know they are a worse liar than the person who said ‘yes, I am a liar.’ You can guarantee that they lie al the time, although on the other hand, those who answer 'Yes, i lie from time to tim' could be double bluffing you, and could infact, be Liars Bluffington - the king of liars & the governor of liarsville-on-sea.

According to my tally, I have lied 5 times so far, which isn’t bad at all! Please remember none of these are big lies.
I have realised that, these lies, aren’t technically lies…most of them fall into the grey category of ‘agreeing with someone….’ Or 'not disagreeing with someone'. Mostly I am too lazy and apathetic to care, so I just agree or disagree as appropriate – whichever is quickest.Is it technically a ‘lie’ if you don’t actually say anything? If I nod to a comment I disagree with, have I then lied…? Probably.

Although it is a very different level of lying when compared to the whole fabricating of a story.
That is terrible.
Or is it?
Indeed it is.
But really...is it?

Random Coversations + LOL Cats + Scams = Another Day in the Office

Written whilst I definitely should have been ‘working’.

All day I have been thinking it is Tuesday (its Wednesday today), not sure why though, but its somewhat wierd because even though I realise its Wednesday I keep forgetting and thinking that its Tuesday, maybe I am actually still asleep and am going to wake up any second giggling insanely to myself. It wouldn't be the first time hee haw hee haw.

I cried before 10 pm today, which doesn’t beat my cry before 9am last Friday (I know, sacrilege to cry on a Friday – there is no excuse.) I should not let work get to me in that way, oh well.

I am trying to list all the things I need to do this coming weekend, although this is proving to be fruitless at the moment, mainly because the weekend seems to be so far away. I know in the back of my mind that I have so much I need to get done.

So the big thing in my office at the moment is LOL CATS, they get myself and my colleagues (plus my sister, mum, dad and various friends) through the day in a spectacular fashion.

Just had a extremely dodgy call from a credit card company, very random and extraordinarily worrying seeing as I have never made any kind of credit card application. I am fairly confidnet that this call was some kind of elaborate and evil scam. This triggered numerous conversations about what the world is coming to. I now have to get a credit report to check that no money is being stolen from my accont - this makes me a sad Anwen, a very sad Anwen indeed.

Discussions going on at work today; If you were on a desert island and could only have one fruit, which fruit would it be?If you were on; stars in their eyes’ would you be?What is your favourite ice lolly?Viking Re-enactments in Norway.Who are favourite people in the company are. Things I learnt today; What is one of the first words? It is Salmon and apparently is pronounced and spelt the same in every language.

Credit card companies can and do cold call, why wouldn't they? They have NO SOULS.

Just recieved a text message form one of my best friends. He witnessed what sounds like a horrific car/motorbike accident, this reminds me of one of my earliest and most profound memories.

I was probably about 7 years old. My Dad, my sister and i were playing in a kids park, which just happened to be (quite inapprpriately) placed smack bang (excuse the pun) in the middle of a very busy junction (city planners must have been on smack) anyways, i remember we were happily playing away, then out of nowhere there was a phenominally loud bang. It sounded horrendous, mostly because of the penetratingly loud sound, which struck out of absolutely nowhere.

Maybe it sounded worse because i was so little? If i witnessed the same thing today maybe it wouldn't seem to scary, but at that time, it was terryfing. I can remember how in a moment life changed, one minute i was blissfully happy and content then the very next i was rendered motionless by this noise.....I think that this feeling that in a minute, everything can change has stuck with me throughout my life. At the back of my mind I am always painfully aware that everything may be wonderfull one minute but within a split second the world can be terrifying.

Unadulterated Freestyle Action

Sooo today was okay, a bit up and down though - i wasn't liking the inconsistency.

The morning was stress central, but i am pleased to report that my day steadily picked up and hit a fairly relaxing crescendo mid afternoon.

I am however, saddened to report that my demon wisdom tooth has returned...again, form the depths of gum hell.

Although this has annoyed me, i feel passionate that i should not concentrate my energies on getting annoyed by it. It is afterall, just a tooth...trying to stumble (force) its way into the world that is my mouth.

I plan on taking next Monday off - which fills me with sweet happiness and excitement. I shall have a lie in, followed by the biggest bowl of weetabix the world has ever witnessed. SRSLY.

The LOL Dream fairy did not visit me last night, which deeply dissapointed me, i wonder....will i ever get to experience the pure unadulterated joy of a LOL dream?

I recently read about a study that was conducted into how the first hour or so of our day (after waking up) can strongly influence the rest of the day. What could be a finer more energising start to the day than waking up with a burst of sincere laughter??

Because of this study, i always try to be carefree and happy for the first hour after waking, and on special days (Fridays') i perform the ritual that is, the Almighty Friday Dance. It is the agnostic persons equivalent of midnight mass on Christmas eve, it is a freestyle improvisation of reckless abandon. It celebrates the beginning of the weekend (even though there is will inevitabley be a whole heap of nonsense for 8 hours before it begins.)

Oh how i wish it were Friday today.

LOL Dreams, Procrastination & Fred Flintstone.

Ahhh yes, so i see that the date does, infact automatically appear...cool.

Well Monday is out of the way YAY ! <---Sorry, that rhyme was NOT intentional. I have enjoyed a lazy weekend, kitten shopping, coaxing monkeys into making jelly, playing chess with panda...etc. No actually i spent quite a bit of time procrastinating over whether to tidy and generally organise my study/gym. The devil thingy on my left shoulder decided that i just 'didn't have the time' and instead i lazily watched series 3 & 4 of Family guy....all of it...yes.

I went out on Friday for 'after work drinks' which was fun. Although as usual, i didn't end up only 'one or two' as i always say. I gingerly awoke at my friends' place at 6am feeling rather wretched.
Anyways, it was fun & i harassed a group of guys dressed as Fred Flintstone to take a picture with me.
I have a million things i feel i need to get done, but once again the procrastinator within me always strikes.
Life isn't something that happens, i have to make stuff happen, but i am feelin veryyyy veryyy lazy, i shall put this down to the painkillers i have to take for my wisdom teeth onslaught. Plus, i am working out alot, my treadmill is most definately earning its keep. Once again i am making excuses. Seeeeee ! This is what i do !!!

I had a wierd & extremely bizarre night last night. I dreamt that i was laughing at something & i actually awoke a couple of times, laughing, literally laughing OUT LOUD. I remember thinking 'whoa Anwen...this is it, you are finally slipping over the edge...' but at the time i loved it ! I enjoyed the crazyness.
So much so, that i will feel slightly short changed if i don't get to experience another LOL Dream tonight.

The odd thing was, the dream itself. Basically, from my hazy memory, i recall being stood in small, but ceilingless room, there was a man in this room with me, he was probably about my age (24) although why i mentioned this is a mystery to me. I was laughing because he was being playfully kicked by something. I don't recall what or who was kicking him but i vividly remember him being kicked - now i feel it is very important and extremely VITAL that i make the point that it was a 'playful'' kind of kicking, not aggressive, i wouldn't laugh at that.

So yeah, it was very odd, most of all because even in my awake state, i very very rarely laugh out loud. Even when i'm watching my favourate stand up comedians, i will just smile when they say something especially funny.

The wierd thing about my LOL Dream wasn't that i woke myself up laughing, but that i laughed out loud in the first place.

Fingers crossed for a visit from the LOL Fairy tonight.

Premier of Anwen Blog

12/6/2008 <---(I wonder silently to myself; Does the date automatically appear on each log...Hmmm, I panic, i think if it does appear automatically then i am gonna look instantly stupid, that will be my first and probably lasting impression.) Anyways, that is an introduction to the silent voice inside my head, it is neurotic. Thankfully i happily and enthsiastically ignore that voice but blogging, appears to have brought it to the forefront of my cellbreum (again, my nemesis jolts into action...) (Inside my head - 'Cell - ooobre -- um...ahhh, MEH! How the hell do i spell that? That ....that....insanely complicated word for 'brain.' Should i just type ....'brain' and have done with it?) Right so, i am really excited about my blooging <---sounds a bit better than 'blogging' why not leave it in there? (Inside head...yes, why not...? You have already displayed stupidity AND the need to impress by using complicated words so why not ammend a typo...')

Have you ever noticed how most typos make most words much cooler? I am going to make a point of NOT correcting my typos if they are to be super cooler than the original word. I do this at work all the time anyway (mostly through laziness.)
Infact maybe typos aren't cool at all? Maybe my job is just so boring and mundane that i am now seeing typos as being entertaiment,what depths have i sunk to in the cool stakes when i am discusing typos as being a measurement of coolness? What the hell is 'coolness anyways.'

(Inside head...What is 'coolness' anyways? Surely the fact that i'm using the word 'coolness' is rendering me extremely 'uncool.' Although if i don't know what 'coolness' is, then i suppose i don't know what 'uncool' is either, and if i am infact 'uncool' then maybe in a parallel universe i am the queen of 'coolness'...rather like Queen of the damned' but with tuna fish as opposed to blood and dinosaurs that can hold serious conversations on a ran of subjects and important issues (global warming, Barrack or Clinton? etc.)

Ahhh i shall write a serious blog tomorrow but for tonight i shall go back to life outside my the nemesis that is my cellbirum....cellebreum...whatever shcmmecver.